Family Rules!

Someday Tom and I will write a book on this subject because so many people have asked us to do that but for now here are a few of our family rules to get you started.  They may or may not work for your family but they've been working for us for over 32 years and so far the older ones are pretty awesome adults.  Tweak them how you may.

First who are we to share how we do things and why should you even think of listening to us?  Well, we are Tom and Kathe.  That's the start of things.  We are not a democracy or even a republic.  Most decisions are not a consensus but a decision between the two of us.  We're parents, we have long-term vision and we pay the bills.  Sound harsh?  Maybe, but it's worked well for us so far.

We have a saying in our house, when you can make the house payment, then you can make the rules for that month.  Ha!  In 32 years not one of them have ponied up the money. 

We got married with each of us having 2 children.  They were ages 5 - 12 years of age.  Mine were the older two boys and Tom a girl and boy.   Then we had 2 more, a boy and a girl.  Then we adopted a teen from Ukraine.  We just recently adopted 3 more teens from Ukraine. So we are quite the blended family.  Now we've added two daughter-in-law's and soon to add a son-in-law plus we are expecting grandbaby #6 in April. 

These rules are in no particular order but they all stand on #1.  Without that, well, you may as well throw the whole lot out.  Some of the comments will only make sense if you're a blended family like ours but you should be able to get a nugget or two even if you're still in the same relationship and all kids are joint.

And by the way, this is probably not how most families run things.  If you have a different opinion, run with it.  I'm hoping enough are on the same page that as my kids grow up and get married they will find good matches with similar upbringing.  So far, that is exactly what is happening with our older ones.  Funny how that happens.  Quite nice to know there are others out there. 

Rule #1.  Parents on the same page - no matter what.  You'll hear me use that phrase a lot in my writing.  I'm a "no matter what" kind of girl.  It works for me.  Basically I'm all in.

This rule means that it does not matter which kid is "mine" and which is "yours" if you're a blended family.  They are "ours" from this point onward.  Whether you are blended or not the decisions are joint and if one parent says no, then both say no.  There is also the "what did mom say" and conferring with the other parent to make sure that is exactly what mom said and no matter if you agree or disagree you have to go along with it because you NEVER undermine the other parent in front of kids.  You are a UNITED FRONT at all costs.  Kids know where they can worm their way in and cause problems so don't give them that opportunity.  It's you and your spouse against the crew.   Remember someday it will be just the two of you (I'm dreaming here) and you want to have the respect and love of that person long after children are grown and gone.  Too many divorces are caused by ignoring this rule, especially in blended families.

Rule #2.  Goes along with rule #1.  Parents make decisions in private away from children.  And have your disagreements there, too.  (Yes, all healthy marriages have disagreements, especially those with lots of children from all sorts of places).  Talk through these situations out of earshot of inquiring ears.  Once the decision has been agreed upon, then present your united front decision to your child(ren).  No more arguing with parents.  Child can try but there is no point. 

Rule #3.  Discipline.  Touchy place when you are a love (step)-parent.  (We never used the word step in our house.  Reminded me too much of a Stepford something).  I agreed to love his children when I agreed to marry him so they are my love-children.  I accepted them as my own, no matter what.

Getting back to discipline.  When one parent disciplines it's all them.  The other parent needs to zip the lip.  And if he is disciplining in a way I don't agree with (especially if it's one of "mine") then maybe I need to go into another room, or get in the car and drive away if I can't keep my emotions and words to myself.  Later, when things have settled you can have a discussion, in private, with your spouse.  Children should never see that they can cause a rift between parents.  They will use it when you least expect it.

And if you're a mom, sometime dad's need to discipline boys or have boys do things that make you go eeeeeek!  Walk away, just walk away if you don't agree.  He is teaching them to be men.  He knows how to do that much better than you do.  

Rule #4.  Personal Responsibility and the 24-hour rule otherwise known as either pick up your stuff or when you go looking for it you might have to travel to the Salvation Army or nearby garbage disposal facility.

No parent needs to be the maid service.  More times than I can count I've reminded my kids that I'm not your friend, your maid or your servant.  I am your mom.  Maybe I'll be your friend when you hit 25.  That depends on you.  Right now you clean up after yourself or you will have less stuff to worry about.

And if you decide to eat in the family room, keep your shoes on in the house, or not pick up your dishes after eating you are just saying that you want to sweep and mop the floor and do kitchen duty.  Thanks! 

Rule #5.  I love you no matter what and I like being around you, at least most of the time.  That means you get mom time or dad time without any other kids from time to time.  Maybe it's just a walk around the block.  This is one of Vlad's favorites with me.  Many times you'll see us walking arm in arm around the neighborhood having conversation.  Katherine likes to go to lunch and chat.  Tom will take someone with him to Home Depot.  We make time for each of them.  Go too long without it and they'll get really weird.  If you find one of your kids getting weird, just do something with just them.  You'll see them turn around pretty fast.  Anytime you go someplace grab a kid to go with you.  That is unless it's one of those times that you better get some alone time or someone might lose their head.  Then it's OK to leave them all at home.  I've heard it's really difficult parenting from prison.

Rule #6.  My job as a parent is to turn out an adult that is a useful member of society and respects both Yahweh and others.  That he or she knows how to run a household, keep good finances and not rely on others for support, or to do the dishes.  As they grow they get more responsibilities.  For example in our house by age 12 they are learning how to do their own laundry.  That means start to finish with all steps in between.  They learn how to properly wash their clothes. They help with cooking, cleaning, yard work, etc.

Note:  They will complain - a lot.  I don't hear complaining.  I talk to them about the book int he Bible which talks about having joy in spite of circumstances.  (Philippians)  And I turn the music up louder and laugh and dance.  Nobody said you couldn't have fun and wash a floor at the same time.  

I had a high school counselor call me one day and say Mrs. Ray, out of 500+ graduating students your son is the only one I've counseled that actually seems ready to be an adult.  He had his own checking account and knew how to balance a checkbook.  He had a job, his own car and goals.  He knew how to cook and did his own laundry.  Now he is a dad of 3, happily married and his wife says I grew her a great husband who actually helps her around the house and knows how to do it all.  That is the highest compliment a parent can get.  Remembering that helps me stay strong through raising 6 more teenagers.  I want that compliment from their future spouses. 

You are not the maid.  You do not have to do it all.  When you do everything yourself you are not teaching your children how to be adults and care for their own home someday.  Remember your job is to grow decent humans that are capable and responsible.  They don't get that by watching you do it all.

Rule #7.  Probably right up there with rule #1 in importance.  Parents set the example.  Your children will model what you do, not what you say.  Have integrity.  Be authentic.  And work on your marriage every day.  Someday you want your children to find an amazing spouse.  Believe me I have two married and I LOVE their spouses.  They are both amazing women and I thank Yahweh every day for them.  They are fantastic spouses and mom's.  I couldn't have asked for better. 

Love your spouse and do something every day to make your marriage better.  And the more children you have, the busier your life, the more you need to make him/her #1 and take time to love on them.  Date nights or even just walks with them in your neighborhood.  A time to talk without constant interruption.  Remember what I said about a kid getting weird?  Well it will happen to your spouse, too.  If they start getting weird ask yourself when was the last time you two had alone time?  Yup!  Been awhile right?  Fix it now.  You'll have a changed spouse.  Laugh with your spouse and have some fun.  Life is not all dirty dishes and homework.  Take time to work on your best investment.

If that's one thing being in Ukraine taught me is that life is too short and too many problems to not enjoy life.  Remember that book in the Bible, joyful in spite of circumstances.  It applies to us, too.  Take time to be joyful and have fun.  And family fun time, too.

So that's a good start to our family rules.  More to come.

Remember, this is Simply My Opinion.  

Things They Don't Tell You About International Adoption....

I was out on my walk this morning.  Those of you who have been following me know I start a lot of stories out like that.  One - I walk a lot and two - it's when I think (because you really can't think clearly with a house full of teenagers).

So I was out on my walk this morning thinking about the past 11 weeks.  I happened by a yard with a patch of sunflowers and tears came to my eyes.  Really?  I mean for the past several weeks all I've thought about was going home to my family, my house, my stuff.  Now I walk by sunflowers and all I want is to be in Ukraine.  Crazy, right?

It got me to thinking about things you don't expect on this journey.  I mean, you know there will be a lot of paperwork and travel and maybe even some unexpected delays and problems. I'm not talking about that here.  I'm talking about sunflowers making you cry on your morning walk.

So here goes.....

They don't tell you that you're going to fall in love with the country you are living in for all those weeks.  That in spite of the fact that you really want to be home there is a culture and a beauty to the country that deep down inside you just adore.  The little homes surrounded by blue and yellow fences with bicycles leaning on them.  The goats, chickens, ducks, geese and cows wandering around in the field in front of said fence, so close to the road that you wonder how many get hit by flying cars.  (You see no evidence of that happening and figure that they must be pretty smart animals).  The fresh vegetables and eggs sitting out next to the road for passers by to stop, honk the horn and wait for a babushka to come out.  So many amazing memories and a place where it seems time has stopped and it causes you to pause and reflect on your own busy life.  You realize you crave simple.

They don't tell you that how much you will be grateful for what you have at home.  We really have it good and I had no clue until this trip.  Ice that comes directly out of the door of your fridge.  Roads that don't give you a concussion.  Being able to sit in a restaurant or walk down a path without smoking another persons cigarette.  And a hundred other small things that when you are somewhere else makes a difference.

At the same time you wish there was a way to merge the two.  Pick the best of both worlds, so to speak.  Have the home with the blue and yellow fence, the chickens and ice that comes from your fridge door.  And you kind of miss the crazy roads.  At least it made the driving and riding interesting.  And I think I actually lost inches with being bounced around so much and working to keep in my seat.     

They don't tell you that once you're home it is weird to walk into a store and where you can read the signs and understand what people are saying.  And that as much as you wanted that when you were there, now you want the quaint way of weighing and tagging produce and you miss the lady at the corner 8-23 who let you hand her your bag of coins to pick through because the coin was just too confusing.  Who in the beginning scowled at you but after 7 weeks or so started smiling.  Especially when you butchered the language attempting to say thank you in Russian.  For some reason she was OK with me as long as I at least tried.  (I wonder if she wonders what happened to me??)  Oh!  The stores over there have these big signs 8-23, 7-20, 0-24 all meaning times they are open.  The 0-24 is open 24 hours.  They go by the 24 hour clock there so 8-23 is 8 a.m. to 11 p.m.  However they can close up on a whim for however long they decide. 

No one tells you that you are going to have so many mixed up feelings.  That there is a let-down from it all.  And you realize that for the most part of the past 11 weeks you were living on adrenaline.  Combine that with the jet lag and it's a recipe for something that I can't put a name on.  When you walk past those sunflowers teary eyed because you miss the huge fields of them you realize that you are forever changed.  That your entire perspective on life is different.  Bigger.  Yet simpler.  Does that make sense?

You take from the country a peacefulness that you didn't have because they are a peaceful people and their way of life is peaceful.  You become determined to have the peace in your home.   You have a mission to merge the lifestyles and pick the best of both for your home.

My advice for returning parents is give yourself time to adjust.  Be OK with the conflicting emotions.  Be grateful that Yahweh has blessed you with a perspective that most people never get.  And cry over the sunflowers.  It means you enjoyed your journey.

A note to those of you who are friends and family of those coming home from an international adoption please give them space and time.  It is more to process than I can tell you in this post.  I read a blog about how to be a good friend to someone who just had a baby and it applies to adoptive parents as well.  Here is the link if anyone wants to read it.  http://www.scarymommy.com/rules-for-visiting-a-new-mom/

Our family will get it together one of these days and we appreciate you giving us some space to deal with all of it.  We love your messages and your prayers.  And the donations of clothes and other things.  They really do make a difference. 

This journey is just beginning and the hardest part is starting so be sure to add your email to stay updated.

What To Expect When You're Expecting - International Adoption Version - In Country - Last Days

This is for those of you taking the journey of international adoption and for those of you at home supporting them.  This is not a complaint but an attempt at an honest take on this process.  This is not meant to scare you away but give you an opportunity to prepare yourself for this journey.  The mind that is prepared has a 95% better chance at getting through something than one that is not.  

These last days are excruciating.  I woke up this morning after a restless sleep (there are many of those due to hard uncomfortable beds and the stress of what you are doing) and my heart was so heavy.  I could feel the tears behind my eyes trying to come out.  I blink to keep them where they belong.  This isn't that bad, I tell myself.  Things could be so much worse.  I am healthy, my kids are healthy, my family at home is healthy.  It's not working.  So many other people have it so much worse than this.  I have nothing to complain about.

I'm a very positive thinker.  I read books like "What To Say When You Talk To Yourself" and others and I know what it does to your brain to have good self-talk.  I'm a "self-talk" queen and pretty good at it normally.  There is just this heavy weight on my heart right now and those darn tears.  What in the world is wrong with me?

This is international adoption at its finest.  The call first thing in the morning that some paper you desperately need to get home is held up by something.  Maybe an official is off that day, or for some unexplained reason the whole office is closed that day, or any number of reasons.  And you realize that instead of going home on Monday that it will be Tuesday, then Wednesday, then Thursday and your brain can't process past that.

And you miss your family at home more than you can verbalize.  You've been gone 10 weeks and you've missed 10 weeks of hugs and conversations.  Conversations because no matter how nice it is to FaceTime or Skype it's just not the same as cuddling together on the couch or her bed to have a nice long chat about all of the silly little things going on in her life.  Or having your 6'3" tall 15 year old hug on you several times a day.  Or watching the 17 year old that you adopted last year turn into a man this summer.  You watch their faces on the computer and know they want you there but won't say it because they know how important this is.  That is until one day your daughter just bursts into tears because she misses you so much and she can't stop and there is NOTHING YOU CAN DO!  Except after you hang up with her you burst into tears yourself. 

So today you wake up with heavy heart and tears and tell yourself to buck up.  You give yourself the same pep talk you've given to others.  You are stronger than this.  Yahweh is counting on you to see this through and you will.  You have no doubt you will get through all of this.  "Yahweh knows"!!  One day you'll be home and look back with fond memories of this time.  But that is in the future and today is today.  Saturday.  And NOTHING happens on Saturdays, or Sundays, so two days of just waiting.  Home is very far away, both in time and in distance.  

I cannot afford to wallow.  So I pray.  I pray for His strength because mine is long, long gone.  I pray for His patience, too.  I cannot do this alone.  I think of Him and all He has done for me.  It gives me the courage to do today.

I also look at the three teens sleeping on various pieces of furniture in the apartment.  Three less orphans in this world.  Three!!!  Three starfish off that beach and into a future.  That's what this is all about.  His mission for us to look out for the orphan.  To hear him say someday, well done good and faithful servant.  To see them grow up into adults with good lives.  Educated, with a spouses and children of their own.  More grandchildren.  And lives continued.  It helps me re-focus on what is truly important.  

I wonder what Yahshua (Jesus) thought about the day before He went on that cross?  Now, what we go through over here does not compare in the slightest to what He did giving His life, but when life is hard it makes you wonder.  What did He think about?  Did He think about what was going to happen or did He spend those hours thinking about the others He impacted and was going to impact?  Did He think about me and how what He was doing was going to impact me?  He got His strength from Yahweh.  Good lesson for me.

I read the book of JOB last night.  What an inspirational man he was.  No matter what happened to him he held tight to trusting Yahweh.  It was hard.  He lost everything including his children.  His wife and best friends turned their backs on him.  But he trusted, no matter what.  It gave me strength.  I will think on that today.  The strength that JOB had that he received from Yahweh.

I'm a private person.  I don't cry.  I am there for everyone else - always.  This thing I'm writing today, well, it's not easy for me to lay it all out there.  But someone might need it someday.  I hope in someway it helps.

Your adoption journey might be simple.  Others are.  The first time we came here for our Vlad it was simple.  8 days first trip, 22 days second trip.  Smooth as smooth can be.  No delays and we were on that plane home.  I think Yahweh was laughing.  He knew.  He was softening us up for this trip.  I hope your journey is like that.  Be prepared just in case it's not.

This one 11 weeks (at least), more paperwork delays than a person could imagine, a daughter left behind due to a war (which is a whole other reason I could cry at a moments notice), missing out on a business retreat that I need more than anyone can imagine because of the delays and getting the daily update that something else has gone wrong and it will be at least another day or two fixing it.  That is this trip in a nutshell.

The adoption journey for Vlad was a dream vacation compared to this one.  Now, hopefully I haven't scared you away from international adoption.  We have made some amazing memories here this 11 weeks.  My husband and I treated the first 6 weeks or so like a second honeymoon.  We walked and walked and saw amazing things.  We spent great time together.  What a blessing.  I will never forget our walks and discoveries and the long, long talks we had here on these wonderful paths.

And even though this week is harder than I could have imagined there are still blessings to be seen.  Three teens so excited about going to a football (soccer) game tonight at the Olympic stadium that they are bouncing off the walls is a blessing.  Seeing Maidan all cleaned up and being here for the Independence Day parade - a blessing.  Memories being made with my husband and best friend - a blessing.  

If you are a friend or family member of someone adopting over here the best advice I can give is this.  Pray for their journey.  Pray for their strength and patience.  Pray for protection over them and their family.  Prayer works - I've seen it up close and personal.    And jump in and do whatever you can to help them at home.  Love on their family left behind because it matters more than you can imagine.  Be there to take pictures of things going on at home.  Give those left behind some love.  Because by doing so you are doing your part to help those orphans.  

And send them messages of support.  I will remember and cherish each message I received over here, from the friend I've never actually met except online who told me that her daughter's entire summer camp group was praying for us and couldn't wait for the updates to the person who told me that we were in their family prayers every day.  I will cherish everyone who posted on one of my Facebook postings.  Just knowing there were people back home CARING got me through so much.

If you are contemplating international adoption just know that if Yahweh brought you to this then He will bring you through it.  This journey, more than anything I've ever done, has brought me closer to Him.  I talk to Him constantly.  He is my companion.  That is the biggest blessing of this entire journey and the funny thing is that the harder it is, the closer you are to Him.  

So today I embrace the hardness knowing that He is close by.  That the harder it is the closer He is to me.  And that each day I am closer to going home.  Home, sweet home! 

Now it's time for some Katie Perry, ROAR!  And going out for another walk in this beautiful city, Kiev.  As hard as this is and as much as I want to be home I will miss it here.  The hilly paths that make for great walking and that has gotten me in the best shape in years, the views over the river and the history.  A city many thousands of years old.  A beautiful city in so many ways.  A gorgeous country even in the midst of war.

Thank you for listening. 

 

Transportation in Ukraine - An Adoption Journey Post

August 21 Romny, Ukraine. 

Sitting in my rental car waiting for our next appointment. 

(You can't be surprised that I'm waiting - again!) 

 
We've now been here a full two months. In that time we've taken planes, trains, automobiles, taxis with drivers, buses and the metro/subway.  Here are some tips for anyone traveling in Ukraine.
 
Small prop planes are fine but not much fun.  They are loud and the most expensive way to travel between Kiev and region.  However, if your translator, like mine, is afraid of flying it does give you an opportunity to give him a hard time about it and take funny pictures.  It is my least recommended mode of transport, unless you need to lighten your translator up a bit. 

My husband can make anyone laugh, even if they are fearful

If you're not flying to region then you have three other options; train, driver or your own rental car.  I'll address these one by one.  OH that is unless you want to take the #1 form of transportation in most regions, the bicycle.  OK, probably not. 
 
Train. Inexpensive and comfy if you are blessed enough to be in a region where you have one of the very nice, brand new express trains.  These were purchased from Asia for the World Cup in 2012 so they are gorgeous.  You can travel in comfort with real bathrooms, plugs for your devices and even food service.   First class runs about $45 per person one way. Second class will save you about $5 per person.  In second class there will be three seats to a row instead of two and plugs for devices are every other row instead of at each seat.  Each seat will have it's own table, just like in a plane.  The nice thing about a train is you can take your own food and drink right on and get up and walk around as much as you want.  It really is a fantastic way to travel and see the country.
 
 

Riding in comfy style on the train

You can relax and play games on your phone

 

Fun and comfortable

One night we took the express from Zap to Kiev, 7 hours, and bought 5 window seats in second class. Usually no one wants the aisle or middle so we all got our own row to sleep with 3 seats each  Check to see how full your train is before attempting this or you might be surprised to find yourself squeezed in with a large man watching loud Ukraine movies with no ear buds all night.   

You can check online for all the information you need. I was also able to book our seats online and pay via credit card.  The website can be changed to English.  It's a little challenging when getting to the payment section but if you've shopped online at all you should be able to figure it out.  (You know you have so own up!  You can do this!)  If not, your translator should be able to talk you through it over the phone.  Mine did the first time just so I wouldn't mess it up.  He is getting more confident in my abilities as this journey progresses.   
 
I can't speak to the other trains but friends have taken regular overnight trains and they are still alive although I saw them when they arrived back in Kiev and can say with some authority that it took its toll. Trying to sleep on a "bed" on a bumpy train or getting up in the night to go potty and getting thrown around is not anyone's idea of a good time but it's a cheap and efficient way to travel to those regions too far away for a driver and without the option of an express train. 

Now let's talk about drivers.  Some translators have their standard drivers they use whenever going to or in a particular region.  My advice? Question everything, especially if you have limited funds like we do. If you are wealthy, just ignore what I'm saying and do your best to help the Ukraine economy. 

Ask if you can you get a different driver for a better price.  Ask.  It doesn't cost you anything to ask.  Remember your Bible, ask and you shall receive.  You get nothing if you don't ask.  Get some other options. Many times if your driver comes from the region he will charge less than one who comes from Kiev.  I had my translator call around to get some different estimates.  I also talked to other people who had traveled to those regions. 
 
We know of one driver who charges $350 for a round trip to a particular city.  He is the standard driver for one translator. Another person questioned it and found a driver for $275. We found one for $200.  So shop around.  $150 savings is pretty huge when you're on a strict adoption budget.  Remember this is your adoption, your money and your budget. You have the right to make the decisions on how it is spent.  You have the right to question how money is spent.
 
If air conditioning is important, considering most summer days here it is a sweltering 95 degrees, be sure your driver has it and more importantly is willing to turn it on.  Sitting in the back seat bouncing along Ukraine roads getting your neck and back out of whack is bad enough without a hot and humid wind blowing at you from the open windows.  By the way, shocks in cars here must be an optional feature that most opt out of for some reason.  I'm still researching the reason on this.
 
 

Excellent driver as long as you don't mind the lack of air conditioning.  While waiting he turned on his favorite (very loud) Ukraine sitcom.  This day was a sweltering 95 degrees and humid.  We were all pretty smelly by the end of the day.

OK, now let's talk about renting a car. Before coming to Ukraine I asked about renting a car on various Ukraine adoption sites online. I was blasted with scary stories. Don't do it, you won't be able to read the signs and you'll get horribly lost.  You'll get stopped by corrupt police and made to pay exorbitant fines. There are checkpoints and remember the country is at war.  You'll get stopped and they will take everything you own.  You won't be able to drive on the roads because they are the worst in the world. Much worse than in America.  It's dangerous (with no particular reason why).  Person after person telling me every reason not to rent a car.  
 
Some of these are valid concerns. This country is at war but we who are here adopting are not allowed into those regions anyway.  Yes, there are checkpoints and we've been through many without any issues. Yes, the roads are bad but if you've ever played Mario Cart you've got it!  And yes, we got lost a few times.  It just adds to the adventure.  Especially when it's 2 a.m., pitch dark, no road signs, the lights on your car aren't working properly, you're out in the middle of nowhere, you've left your translator behind so he can visit his family and you have no GPS.  But you laugh your way through it and it becomes a favorite memory.
 
Talking with my translator he said check prices and let him know. We could certainly drive.  I checked and with the cost of gas it was about $100 per day. That means a one day trip to region would cost $100 instead of $200 or more. Sounded good to me. 
 
Now it's several weeks and trips later.  Tom and I have driven all over on roads good, bad and downright ugly, city and country, daytime and at night.  Tom is back home now and I navigated getting back from the airport by myself at 4 a.m.  I can drive around potholes like a native Ukraine. 

 

2 a.m., somewhere between Zap and Kiev on some road with potholes bigger than your car and no GPS

The funniest part is seeing the look on crowd of men when they see a woman driving.  It's just not done here.  Women take the metro, ride the bus, a bicycle or even grandmothers ride mopeds around.  But never drive a car.  And yes, I have seen more grandmothers (and I'm talking OLD grandmothers) - in dresses - on bikes and mopeds than I can count.  Darn it, my bike is coming out when I get home because even though I'm a grandmother I'm not that old and if they can do it, so can I.
 
I'm a fight the fear and do it anyway sort of girl so this driving thing had to be overcome. And I'm a better person, and more confident, because I didn't listen to the naysayers and our bank account is much happier.   My advice, get a car and give it a shot. It's fun once you get a used to it.  I can even drive in rush hour Kiev traffic now, weaving around buses and trolley cars without a problem. And it's fun not to be bouncing around the backseat.  Yesterday driving back from region I took a wrong turn and said, I've got this.  I just drove until I saw a familiar landmark and voila, just drove in that direction.  Like I said, it's an adventure.
 
By the way here is a little hint. If you are riding in the backseat take a pillow.  Trying to nap on long rides is impossible. You will end up with a concussion if you try to rest your head on the headrest or seat. And sleeping sitting straight up will have you looking like one of those bobble dolls and give you a neck that only your chiropractor will love. 
 
Lastly, jump right into taking the metro and city buses around the city.   They are simple and so cheap.  Kiev metro is 2 Grivna or 16 cents.  The trolley buses are 1.5 Grivna or 12 cents. Can't beat it.  Most nice hotels have free maps of the city and metro system. From Independence Square metro station you can connect with all of the other trains and even the main train and bus station.   It has saved us hundreds of dollars on taxis and drivers.   More importantly, we have gotten out to see more of the city.  We've found farmers markets, gardens and historical places. And had much more fun than we ever expected.  

Taking the escalator down to the metro stop

Riding the metro with good friends - priceless

 

Trolley Bus - cost 1.50 Grivna

On the trolley bus.  Riding it to the end, wherever that takes us

We've taken the metro to the last stop on the line just to see what was there.  Bus line, too.  It gave us a great sense of direction when we were in our rental car.  We see different landmarks and know exactly where we are and how to get back to our apartment because we've walked it or ridden the metro or bus.
 
So jump right in and experience Ukraine.  However you travel make the most of your time here.  Be not afraid.  There will always be those who are negative and want to hold you back because of their own fears. Tom and I have hundreds of great memories from our two months here together, traveling around the city and country.  There is so much waiting to be done in an adoption journey.  Spend that time seeking and finding treasured memories.

And that is ... Simply My Opinion!

Are You Still Living In Your Comfort Zone?

I loved my comfort zone.  I really did.  I would stay there all the time.  A good book, a quiet spot, no people.  Nothing out of the ordinary.

It's true.  

But nothing much out of the ordinary ever happens in the comfort zone.

So I've spent my life pushing myself out of the place where I feel most comfortable.  And the joys and accomplishments have piled up.  

Today I live my life constantly out of the comfort zone.  Between what I do for work, Arbonne, and this fantastically crazy adoption journey, it all pushes me.

Here I am right now, writing this message, in a little apartment one block from Maidan square in downtown Kiev, Ukraine.  I can step out on my little balcony and see soldiers walking at all hours of the day and night.  One little block is all that separates us from where all the destruction and loss of life happened just a few short months ago.  Where tents are still set up and tire barricades.  Where smoke curls up from fires still being fed.  Where pictures of the dead are posted all around. 

I'm in a country still fighting with Russia.  Not a little enemy and one that most of the world is scared of.  And every day I pray that Yahweh will allow me to go into the area where most of the fighting is still happening.  Yup.  Asking to be allowed to go.  Talk about out of the comfort zone!  A few days ago we were being driven to an appointment and had to go through a checkpoint.  Yup, real soldiers holding real automatic weapons had to check us through.  Friends of mine not only had to go through some checkpoints but some of them were Russian.  

In Arbonne my comfort zone does not include speaking to strangers and asking if I can help them get healthy.  It does not include calling people on the phone to ask them to join me in my business.  But in order for my family to have the life I want them to have I do it anyway.  In order for that stranger to be healthier, I get out of that zone.  And guess what?  It's all good!  I have now helped one more person and my family is also benefiting. 

This getting out of the comfort zone is not a bad thing.  It's amazing!  It's freedom!  It's liberating!!  You become a completely different person.  A person who walks with their head high and shoulders back because you conquered your fear!  You now live life at a whole other level! You gain a self-confidence that cannot be gotten any other way.  You can't buy it.  You can't read a book or go to a seminar and get it.  And it's so worth it!

Because what are comfort zones really?  They are fear zones.  It's where you stay because you are afraid.  And it keeps you from living an amazing life.  It keeps you from talking to that stranger who down the road becomes your best friend.  It keeps you from saying yes to adoption and having one, or five, new children in your family that now you can't imagine living without. 

Get out of you comfort zone!  Get out today and start living a life without fear.  Start saying yes to things.  Start having a "yes" attitude toward life and see where you end up a year from now.  

We said yes to Arbonne and our family is now living the life of our dreams with both parents home.  We said yes to adoption and we have 5 new people in our family who are amazing and brilliant and fun and who will go on to live fantastic lives.  (And lots more grandbabies someday!)

What should you say yes to?  Something!  Anything!  Just get out of your comfort zone and do something today that scares the pants off of you!  That makes your palms sweat.  That gives you a butterfly stomach.  Say yes and just do it!  You'll be that person that walks a little taller and straighter.  You'll get a gleam in your eye.  

And the next one will get easier and easier.  And before you know it your comfort (fear) zone will just be a distant memory.  Because now you're living life in the fearless and amazing zone!  

Do it today!